Seasons of Why

Seasons of Why

I’ve sat in the dim light emitted by my lamp, the sounds of the outdoors breaking through the windows as birds sang. I’ve tried to hush the movement of my thoughts long enough to get back on track, only to find I was already five minutes behind while juggling three jobs and a couple classes. I’ve opened my Bible to read God’s Word, anxiously feeling the ache of wanting to share with you all that He has been teaching me. But fifteen-hour days and desperately trying to serve anywhere from seventy to two hundred people well, can break the flow of even the simplest sentence. As questions plague a heart intent on service, self-care and boundaries ring in the distance, begging me to listen before deciding what comes next.

Miracles that may not seem like miracles have pulled joy into the depths of a desperately thirsty soul as I’ve tackled the pages of Scripture in a classroom filled with freedom and discipleship—a place where my questions were encouraged, a place where I didn’t have to lead, and a place where I could dig in ways my heart had forgotten it loved. A family began developing out of a shared desire to be together as we tackled the life of Paul and the Old Testament. My writing found its draw in digging into theology in new ways and exploring creative outlets my professor not only allowed but encouraged.

This summer, I was blessed with a sweet gift: a twenty-four-mile backpacking trip with some of my students. When God orchestrates a gift, He includes things you could never imagine or write for yourself. I had three brave kiddos—whom, honestly, I love like they are my own—take me on a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

God was closing a door, and I was grieving. Yet, at the same time, He was giving me five days of joy multiplied within the hard: elevation gains of more than three hundred feet at once; rainy nights spent sleeping in a hole while everyone in the tent slid over you; learning to do your business in the woods—which, for an obsessive-compulsive person, was surprisingly easy; walking behind your mini-me and swelling with a pride only unconditional love can produce; and crying as they told their life stories and allowed you the honor of sitting in those stories with them.

God was everywhere on the trail.

My favorite moment was hearing all three of my students tell me they had seen and heard from God. Hearing them say they felt closer to Him was more than I could handle then and is still more than I can handle now. It humbly brings tears to my eyes.

There are so many words that could fill the space of time this blog has sat waiting, but many need no explanation, and the others are yet to come. My trust in God’s timing and in the way He weaves His plans has grown stronger. The timing—and the outcome—are up to Him.

God has rooted a new depth of love for His Word in me over this last season. He continues to slow my rhythms and build a routine shaped more by His priorities and boundaries than by everything I feel I am supposed to do for Him. Within that slowing, a new excitement is growing as I begin to sense His excitement for Warrior 1 Nine, too.

Maybe you are in a season of why too. Maybe a door has closed that you thought would remain open, your rhythm has been interrupted or disrupted, or God seems quieter than you expected Him to be. Quiet has taught me that His silence is not His absence, and unanswered questions do not mean He has stopped working. Sometimes, while we are begging Him to explain to us why, He is gently inviting us to slow down, sit with Him, and notice what He is growing in the waiting.

Perhaps, maybe, we do not need every answer before we take the next step. Maybe, we simply need to trust the One who already sees where the path leads.

Stay tuned—there is no telling what God is up to. Warrior 1 Nine is here to help you love God, grow deeper in discipleship, and chase after Him with your whole heart. Whatever season you find yourself in, you do not have to walk through it alone.